A History of Tonga

THE FACTS
Tonga is officially the Kingdom of Tonga (Remember it is still a kingdom, headed by Tupou VI) although he doesn't have very much real power. He mostly just sits in a suit and chills out.

Tonga is a nation of about a hundred thousand in the South Pacific, north of New Zealand and east of the Solomon Islands. 

PRE-EUROPEAN CONTACT (????-1616)
Like many of the countries I have delved into the lack of written language makes learning the pre-colonization history hard. Most of it comes from archaeological evidence or stuff the native populace told the Europeans. This stuff is problematic too, because the line between legend and history is often blurred like the original Emperors of China. 

Archaeologists have inspected the tombs of Tongan chiefs and the stonehenge-like structures that the Tongans constructed, but things are still fuzzy. 

The Tongan Empire in the 1100s was the most powerful in the Pacific. This wasn't a traditionally western idea of an Empire with a single leader controlling territories and colonies, but it was more of a culturally and ideological similar area united by trade. The remains of Tongan pottery and other goods have been found as far as the Solomon Islands and Samoa. Tongans belong to the Polynesian subgroup, but their "imperial" influence was felt by the Melanesians and Micronesians.

A History of Trinidad and Tobago

THE FACTS
Trinidad and Tobago, officially the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, is a small island nation in the West Indies, the closest islands to South America in the island chain.  It is also the most populated of the West Indies and largest in size. The country is known for its dense forests, high peaks in the north and beaches. There is also a large population of Trinidadians in NYC, in the Ozone Park neighborhood.

PRE-COLONIZATION & SPANISH ARRIVAL (????-1600s)
Like other islands in the region Trinidad and Tobago were originally inhabited by the Arawak & Carib people. The Arawak and Carib inhabited the islands from the Bahamas in the north to Trinidad and Aruba in the South, and all throughout the Caribbean and West Indies. 

English has several words from the Arawak and Carib languages like barbecue, caribbean, cannibal, canoe, hammock, hurricane, potato and savannah.

The Arawak and Carib peoples originated in South America, and island hopped until they got to Hispaniola and the Bahamas. Trinidad and Tobago were probably some of the first islands they got to, as they are pretty close to Venezuela.

In 1498, Columbus showed up. This was of course terrible news for the Arawaks because it was the first step in the eradication of their culture and way of life. 

Trinidad almost immediately became Spain's focus. It was yet another source for their slave trade. They captured the Arawaks and sent them to forced labor camps in other holdings around the Caribbean. 

After the slave trade dried up the Spanish were frantic to find a way to suck the most money out of this island as possible. To do this they enlisted the help of Antonio Sedeno. They told Antonio that he had two goals. One, find the lost city of El Dorado, which was first believed to be in Colombia, but now they thought was in Trinidad. (It was in fact, not). His second goal was to get Europeans to come live on Trinidad. You may think, why is this so hard, timeshare salesmen do this all the time, but in the 1500s, journeying from a small Spanish village or a Spanish city in a mild Mediterranean climate to live on a sweltering and remote island in a continent almost completely foreign to not just you, but most people, while constantly afraid of attack from the natives who are really pissed at you for coming here. This idea was pretty hard to sell.

So, long story short Antonio fucked up. Granted, he was given an impossible job, but he failed. He didn't find El Dorado, because it didn't exist and his town that he built (at the site of modern capital Port-of-Spain) didn't really catch on (until later). 

Ponce de Leon Jr. had a better time. He was Ponce de Leon's grandson. You may know Ponce de Leon from his voyages to Florida, where he founded St. Augustine and looked for the fountain of youth. I think Florida is probably the exact last place to look for the fountain of youth, but okay...

Ponce Jr. settled another town which he called "the Town of the Circumcision" which I think is very weird. Towns are supposed to be named after people, or features in the area, or something else, but they most definitely shouldn't be named after the act of removing a baby's foreskin.

THE SPANISH, DUTCH, FRENCH AND ENGLISH (1600s-1800)
By the 1600s, everybody wanted a piece of the Caribbean pie and Trinidad and Tobago was no exception. The Dutch set up a colony which didn't really work out in Tobago, until the Courish (from Courland, modern day Lithuania oddly enough) established New Courland in the region. This also didn't really work out. The island was inevitably handed over to the British who wanted to crack down on the piracy problem. 

Spain was back on Trinidad trying to find gold, and setting up missions. Bringing the arawaks Christianity was an important goal for the Spanish, but wasn't as important as money. 

By the late 18th century the island was still pretty remote. The governments of every major European power wanted the land so they could grow cash crops and set up plantations, but the people themselves were still quick on the draw. By the late 18th century there were only a thousand Europeans on the island and about 1500 slaves. 

Mass settlement only started when the Spanish implemented some desperation moves. They gave any catholic thirty-two free acres of land, plus sixteen for each slave they brought and said "you don't have to pay taxes here for the first TEN years". This started the Caribbean's tradition as a tax haven. Nowadays if there was place where you could avoid taxes entirely for ten years that easily, every person would claim they lived there.

By the beginning of the 19th century, the population was 60% slaves. 10,000 of the island's 17,000 people were slaves, 

BRITISH CONTROL (1816-1962)
Britain officially abolished slavery in 1833, but in many of their colonies the slaves weren't freed until 1840. The plantation owners did everything in their power to lobby against abolition in Parliament, and eventually legally convert all of their slaves into "free apprentices" which weren't in fact free, or really apprentices, but were slaves. 

In 1840 though, the slaves were freed. This sparked two things. The first was an increased amount of Caribbean literature, political satire and criticism & other forms of media made by the newly freed black populace. At this point nearly 80% of all Trinidadians were black and many more were black and Amerindian. Trinidad however was still under White leadership. Most Trinidadians were in favor of a local leader that would represent their interests to Westminster, but Britain refused. 

Another problem that arose after the abolition of the slaves in Trinidad was a labor shortage, so the British began taking workers from China, their colonies in West Africa and their colonies in India. 

Indians are still a large group in Trinidad, with a lot of Indian influence in Trinidadian culture.

Sugar Cane was soon replaced by Cacao and Rum, and later Oil as the main exports of the country, but the plantation economy of the 1800s lasted well into the 1900s, just instead of growing sugar cane with slave labor, they grew cacao with underpayed Indian, Chinese and Black workers. 

In 1937, Tubal Uriah Butler (a person with the NEW coolest name ever) a Grenadian born Trinidadian fought for home rule with general strikes and a hunger strike. Originally dismissive, the British government, eventually giving Trinidad and Tobago their independence in 1962. 

Tubal was a shoe in for Prime Minister when independence came, but people saw him as too radical to be taken seriously in the world stage.

INDEPENDENCE (1962-PRESENT)
The new nation started out well. The oil shortages of the seventies led the US to seek alternative sources and Trinidad saw a new source of income. Standards of living got much better and big public works projects were completed, like the 22 story Eric Williams Plaza, which at the time was the tallest building on the islands.

In 1990, an extremist muslim group called the Jamaat al Muslimeen kidnapped the Prime Minister and held him hostage for a week, before surrendering.

Recently Trinidad and Tobago have fallen on hard times. The drug trade is the source for most organized crime in the country and the murder rate has pentupled in the last ten years, but it is slightly down now. 

FUN FACTS
-Steel Drums were invented in Trinidad and Tobago.
-Trinidad is home to the world's largest Traffic Rotary.
-Trinidad and Tobago was ranked the happiest country in North America.
-The Limbo was invented in Trinidad and Tobago.

A History of Turkey, Part 3

SULEIMAN THE MAGNIFICENT AND THE OTTOMANS (1500-1922)
The Ottoman Empire existed for a ridiculously large amount of time. There is a fact floating around on the internet that the Ottoman Empire existed from the 1200s to 1918, after Warner Bros. was founded. When Bugs Bunny was becoming popular, the Ottoman Empire which had existed for 600 years was still happening.

But, it's peak was in the 1500s. The Ottomans were in full land-grab mode, snatching up land from the weakened Holy Roman Empire and the Polish. The Ottoman Empire weren't really friends with anyone. They warred with the Hapsburg Line in Europe, the Portuguese in Africa and India.

The Ottomans were raking in the dough, because they controlled the trade routes between Japan, China and Mongolia and Europe which meant that if you were a fancy European guy who wanted Silk, Porcelain, Sushi, Anime, Kung-Fu Movies or whatever they have in Mongolia, it had to come through the Ottoman Empire, but the Portuguese were poking around in Africa and figured out that the continent DOES end. They figured out it ended at the Cape of Good Hope and said "hey, we don't have to deal with these Ottoman dickheads on the land-trade routes. Let's just ship the stuff down the Indian Ocean, around the Cape of Good Hope and up the Atlantic. It's kind of outta the way, but it's better than having to deal with the Ottomans". 

This began a sort of downfall for the Ottomans. They lost a lot of the territory they gained in Italy, Hungary, Greece, Poland, Africa and the Balkans.

All of these Empires they pissed off with their bigger army diplomacy now had the bigger armies and were fighting back. 

These trade wars all throughout the 1600s, 1700s and 1800s made the Ottoman Empire a prime target for attack by the 1900s. The weakened Empire was driven from Africa and was cornered in the Middle East and South-East Europe. 

The next major event happened in 1908, when Turkish revolutionaries named the Young Turks  massacred Armenians in the city of Adana in Turkey. The Young Turks were nationalists who felt like Turkey had a place in Europe, but they had to exterminate those who weren't Turkish. They felt like they didn't have a place in the rapidly westernizing Turkey.

The Young Turks overthrew the Ottoman government and replaced it with a constitutional monarchy. They felt like the king shouldn't have actual power, but should be a figurehead like in many other European countries like England. 

The Ottoman Empire was at this point, severely weakened. There had been coup after coup and the government was hurting. They went over to Germany and was like "give us money and we'll fight on your side" and Germany was like "ok". 

The Ottomans entered WWI in 1914 on the side of Germany because of their previously agreed upon alliance. They then got their ass handed to them by the Brits, French and USA.

This was the Ottomans last chance and they were so weak at this point that the Ottoman Empire was divvied up to other European powers. The French took Lebanon and Syria. The British took Palestine, Transjordan and Iraq. Several new countries came into being like Turkey, Armenia and Georgia. (Before the latter two were snatched up by the USSR). 

The new Republic of Turkey was off to a rocky start as countries born of a lost war often are. It was chock-a-block with French and British troops just chilling after their victory in WWI and Turkey was pissed.

REPUBLIC OF TURKEY (1922-PRESENT)
In 1922 the troops were told to beat it by Mustafa Kernal, the country's new leader. The Ottoman Empire which at this point technically existed, but only consisted of Turkey was finally destroyed. The capital was moved from Constantinople to Ankara and Kernal became the new President.

Kernal wanted to bring Turkey into the future so abolished the Muslim laws. He gave women the right to vote, adopted the Latin alphabet and remained neutral in WWII (technically giving aid to the Allies). Kernal seemed like a pretty cool guy. He just wanted to bring Turkey into the 20th century and introduce reforms the rest of Europe had decided were a good idea.

After the war Turkey joined the U.N. Also at this time the USSR wanted to build military bases on the Bosphorus, the strait that separated Anatolia from European Turkey. 

The U.S. sent aid to Turkey, in the hopes that they would side with the US during the Cold War. Turkey sided with the U.S. and NATO. They sent forces to Korea and were generally pretty tense with the USSR. 

Turkey also invaded Cyprus, and set up the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus which today is a disputed territory with Cyprus. Cyprus believes they should control all of the island, yet the north is controlled by Turkey. 

In the 80s, Turkey passed several economic reforms to make it friendlier to outside business which began an economic renaissance for the nation, but the future isn't all rosy for Turkey. This year an attempted coup rocked the government. A sect of the army tried to destroy government buildings. They claimed the government was favoring the muslim population, committing human rights violations and generally was corrupt.

The government claims the coup was carried out by the Gülen Movement, which is defined as a terrorist organization, started by Fethullah Gülen,  a cleric who lives in Pennsylvania.

Gülen sadly isn't the cool kind of cleric that can cast spells, he's just the kind that lives in Suburban Pennsylvania, writes books and respects science. The U.S. claims he's a harmless political critic and that the Turkish government is over-reacting, which has caused a lot of tension.

FUN FACTS
Two of the 7 wonders of the ancient world are in Turkey, the Temple of Artemis and the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus.
St. Nicholas who is the inspiration for Santa Claus was born in Patara, Turkey.
Harran University in Turkey was the first known university in the world.
Turkey was home to a Psychedelic Rock scene called Anatolian Psych. Bands included Erkin Koray, Baris Manko & Selda Bagcan. 
Mahir Cayan, Turkish politician looks like Jimmy Fallon.

A History of Turkey, Part 2

THE BYZANTINES (334 BCE-1450)
Alexander the Great brought a Greek and Roman influence to the region when he showed up in 334 BCE. Alexander was on a quest to cross the old-world on horseback bringing terror and western ideologies to places from Afghanistan to Africa. Alexander decided that Anatolia wasn't worth his time so he divided it up and gave it to various generals and other kinds. 

By the time Rome arrived the region was almost like Greece. Ancient Greek was spoken instead of Anatolian. 

In 324, Constantine I, who I think looks a lot like Patrick Warburton realized that Rome was in trouble. They were under pressure from the Christians who were starting to become a thing at this point, and various European barbarians like the Vandals, Goths and Visigoths. Constantine was scrambling to find a suitable replacement for Rome, and he found Byzantium,  a Roman city in Anatolia, a colony of Rome in modern day Turkey. Anatolia was a suitable replacement. It had a nice Mediterranean climate, similar to Italy's and they weren't under the threat of attack from various pelt-wearing nomads all the time. They were only under threat from various other groups in the area.

Constantine changed the name of Byzantium (which was previously called Lygos, then Augusta Antonina) to New Rome and the move was finalized. 

Side Note: Byzantium got its name changed a lot more than the three times I previously mentioned. After Byzantium it was changed to Constantinople after Constantine, He Polis, the Kostantiniyye, then to Istanbul, then to Stamboul, then to Islambol and back to Istanbul.

At this point there weren't any Turkish people living in Turkey. The Anatolians weren't like the modern Turkish. The language and culture was different and obviously they weren't muslim (as that religion didn't exist yet). 

Turkish people were originally from the Central Asian Steppe and Siberia. They traded with the chinese under the Gokturk banner and were mostly Buddhist and animist. Many modern ethnic groups have Turkish or part-Turkish ancestry like the Persians in modern Iran, Mongolians and the Jews of Eastern Europe. The Turks eventually ended up in Anatolia in the 600s, just in time to be converted by Mohammed and his followers.

The Turks were originally outsiders in Turkey, which seems odd, but they were. They didn't feel welcomed by the Byzantine Empire (the dominating superpower in the region). The Turks created the Seljuq Empire which was headed by ethnically Turkish people. They captured large swaths of land in Anatolia which pissed off the Byzantines. The Ottoman Empire was the natural continuation of the Seljuq Empire. It started around when the Seljuq Empire ended. The Ottomans were known around the known world for their military prowess and ability to conquer. They defeated the Byzantines, destroying their Empire except for a small holding in Constantinople. Finally in 1453, the Ottomans succeeded. They sacked Constantinople, nearly 1000 years after the barbarians sacked Rome. 

The Turks Turkified Constantinople in to Kostantiniyye and their ruler Mehmed II sat upon the throne. This signified the start of Turkey's renaissance (which conveniently aligned with the rest of Europe's renaissance). If you want to learn more about this time period play Assassin's Creed: Revelations, which is set in Kostantiniyye in 1510. 

Mehmed II (who had a pretty reasonably sized Turban) gave the throne up to his next of kin (with increasingly huge Turbans) eventually leading to Suleiman the Magnificent whose turban was frankly an insane size. It was a tradition that Ottoman Sultans had very interesting headwear.